Alone & Found
by woahmondler
Summary: Alone. A word that many people define as different things. For Monica it's the worst definition. You don't know who you'll fall in love with. But when it happens, all you can hope for is that the person you fall in love with...isn't falling in love with someone else. A Mondler fanfic.
1. Alone

_Hey! For anyone wanting to know 'Love Starting WIth A Screen' is just on a break. I was having trouble writing the next few chapters, so I'm gonna start this. I really want to see what you guys think so please review._

For some people being alone is sitting in your room by yourself, crying because you just got broken up with, or because all of your friends are out at a movie without you. But for some people being alone is wanting to cry even though you're surrounded by people. Having people laughing and happy around you when all you want to do is cry alone in your room because you're in love with someone who couldn't love you back, or because people never ask what's wrong. This person just happens to be me.

One of the worst parts is not being able to remember a time in your life when you were happy. It sucks because there's nothing you can do about it. You get moments of happiness when you think everything will be okay, and then the moment passes and you go back to feeling like shit.

"Mon?" Rachel said trying to get my attention.

"Ya?" I said back trying to act as if I knew what we were discussing.

"You okay, you kinda zoned off there for a minute." Ross chimed in.

"Oh, ya I'm fine." I lied.

"Ok. Anyways we were asking you if you were okay with going out to dinner tomorrow night?" Phoebe said.

"Oh." I didn't know how I wanted to answer that. Did I really want to go out and risk crying there when I could cry in my own bed here. "Um, who's going?" I asked trying to seem relaxed.

"Just the 6 of us, and Rose." Chandler responded. Great. That's so not what I needed to hear. If I do go I'll have to deal with Chandler and Rose making googly eyes at each other all night. I'll definitely end up crying by the end of the night.

"Monica?" Chandler asked again.

"Oh right sorry, you know I don't really feel like going." And here come the questions about why.

"Aw, come on Mon. It won't be the same without you there. We haven't done anything just the six of us in a long time." Phoebe said trying to persuade me. But technically it wasn't just the six of us, Rose was going. Ughhh, I just can't catch a break.

"Well, I also kinda feel like I'm catching something." I coughed a couple times.

"What happened to you never getting sick?" Rachel asked. Ugh, right.

"Well," I started.

"Ok stop making excuses. You're going." Phoebe said sternly. "And I'm going home before I pass out here." She got up and walked out the door.

"Okay?" Ross said confused. "I actually think I'm with her though. I'll see you guys tomorrow. Joey, Chandler?"

"I'm actually kinda beat too." Chandler said.

"Me too dude." Joey said. "We'll see you tomorrow." And then there were two.

After Joey and Chandler left Rachel asked, "Are you sure you're okay Mon?"

"Ya, I'm fine." Lies.

"Okay, well I'm gonna got to bed now too. Just tell me if you need anything, okay?"

"Okay, I will. Night Rach."

Now it's just me. Just me and my thoughts. Let's see I haven't had a breakdown yet today, so one should be coming any minute now.

I laid down on the couch and just thought about what I'm doing tomorrow. God, why would I agree to that. I know for a 100% fact that I _will_ start crying tomorrow. Hell, I'm gonna start crying right now!"

I sat up and buried my face in my heads and start crying, actually sobbing. I tried to be as quiet as I could trying not to wake Rachel up. The last thing I need is for her to get up and see me crying. I don't understand why things had to get so difficult. Why, I just had to fall in love with Chandler. Sweet, caring, amazing Chandler. The thought of him, and knowing I couldn't have him just made me cry more.

"Monica?" I looked up to see Chandler at the door staring at me confused. Crap. Just what I needed, the guy I'm crying over about to ask me why I'm crying. He shut the door and started walking over to me, "Are you okay? Why are you crying?" Yep, that sounds about right.

"Ya, Chandler I'm fine. I was just reading a book and someone died. I just, I started crying." Wow, am I the worst liar or what. God, there's not even a book here!

He looked down at my lap, at the table, and the floor. "There's no book here." Well, I may not be a good liar but at least I'm still always right.

I didn't know what to say. I mean someone catches you lying what do you say.

"Seriously, Mon what's going on?" He grabbed both my hands and held them in his. I pulled away which just made him look more concerned. But I pulled away because I wasn't gonna make this any harder on me. That's sounds so unbelievably selfish, but you know what, when you're depressed you're selfish.

"Nothing, I'm fine." I should really just stop lying.

"If you're crying and lying about it, you're not fine."

"Y'know it's really not any of your business." I could feel the tears starting to form in my eyes.

"What are you talking about? You're my best friend so when your crying it is my business."

"I thought Joey was your best friend." Maybe he'll just forget about the real topic of this conversation.

"Stop trying to change the subject." He said sternly. Damn, didn't work. "Seriously, you can tell me anything. What is going on recently?" Well, technically I can't tell _you_ this.

I'm just gonna go with a classic, "Y'know I'm starting to get tired. I'll see you tomorrow." I got up and started walking away until I was stopped by Chandler's hand on my wrist.

"Seriously, you can't just walk away from me." He said looking me straight in the eye. Why the hell was eye contact making me go weak in the knees. Oh great, the idea of wanting him and not being able to have him popped back into my mind. I could feel the tears start dripping down my cheeks, which was normal by this point.

He reached up and wiped a tear off my cheek and the contact was too much for this feeling I've been hiding for 3 months now. "I'm fine okay. I'll see you later." I walked backward into my room and shut the door.

"Monica, come on you can't do this." And now I felt bad, which just made me start crying harder. "I care okay, I care about you. Just tell me what's wrong, don't shut me out." He was kinda shouting and I'm pretty sure I heard Rachel's door open.

"What is going on out here?" Rachel asked Chandler concerned.

"Monica!" He wasn't letting this go. I sat down on the spot of my floor that had become very familiar to me through the past couple months. I sat there with my back up against my bed, sobbing into my hands for the second time tonight. Alone for the thousandth time in 3 months. Sitting here for the millionth time since I figured out I was in love with my best friend. No one understands me, although that's probably because I haven't told anybody.

"Monica, I'm not afraid to break this door down if I have to!" I believe that.

"Guys, I'm fine! Just go away." Why was I saying anything. My voice was clearly showing I was sobbing.

"We're not going anywhere! I mean come on, if you won't talk to me at least talk to Rachel."

"Ya, Mon I told you if anything was up to just tell me." She seemed more comforting, but still I wasn't going to say anything.

"Wait, you knew about this?" This time Chandler directed his question to Rachel.

"No. At least I didn't know it was serious. I asked her if something was wrong because she seemed off but she said she was fine. I didn't think anything of it." Chandler exhaled clearly annoyed with Rachel. I found it endearing how much he cared.

I heard the door open, "Hey guys what's going on! I can hear you guys from all the way across the hall." So, it was Joey who just walked in.

"Monica's crying and she won't come out of her room." Rachel told him.

"Monica! I swear if you don't come out here in the next minute, I'm coming in there."

Instead of responding I reached for my bedside table drawer. I grabbed the thing I had been thinking about taking for a while now, but never had the guts too. I got back into my position and hovered the razor blade vertically above my left wrist. I read somewhere that it's harder to stitch vertical cuts then it is horizontal ones. I took a deep breath with tears still streaming down my face.

"Ok Mon that's it! 10 seconds before I come in there." God I felt like a teenager being yelled at her by her parents.

I pressed the razor blade into my wrist. It hurt but not nearly as much as I've hurt these past couple months.

"5!"

I swiftly drew the blade all the way up to the end of my forearm leaving a long line of blood pouring out of a cut.

"2!"

I took the blade off my arm and hid it under my bed as if when he came in here he wouldn't seen the blood coming out of my arm. Tears were still streaming down my face and I have a feeling they're about to start falling out of my eyes even harder.

Before I could think of something to do with my arm my door fell to the ground right in front of me.

Rachel held a hand over her mouth and Joey stood there not know what to do,

"Mon?" Was all Chandler could let out.

This is as far as it's come. Me sitting on the floor with blood rushing down my arm and tears streaming down my face, my friends staring at me in shock. Never thought I would be this person, although who knows when their going to end up feeling sad, depressed…. _alone_.


	2. Lost

_AN: Hey! Sorry about the confusion with Chandler's girlfriends name in the last chapter, I fixed it. It is Rose, it was gonna be Penny but I decided to change it and then I forgot to change all of the names. Anyways hope you like this chapter._

Lost. The state of not knowing where you are. I can't figure out where I am emotionally. I'm in a mixed up place with a million different paths. Do I choose the risk, the easy way, the dark, or the hard way. There's no clear answer.

There I was. Sitting on my bedroom floor with 3 of my friends staring at me in shock. I was still sobbing and I couldn't seem to stop.

Finally Chandler rushed over to me, "Monica, what the hell happened!" He grabbed the arm that was gushing blood.

Rachel and Joey both ran over at that moment and screamed an, "Oh my god!"

It took him a minute, but after studying my arm Chandler realized what exactly I had done. He looked up at me with a look of shock, confusion and disappointment. Joey tossed him a towel and Chandler wrapped it tightly around my arm. "Do either of you know how to do stitches!?" Joey and Rachel shook their heads no.

Just then I heard the front door open, "Hey guys," Phoebe. Now someone else would have seen me in this state. "I left my guitar here earlier." She didn't get a response. "What's going on?" She was probably wondering why I had no door at the moment. Then she appeared at my front door.

"Phoebe, do you know how to do stitches!?" Chandler screamed at her.

She stood there staring at me trying to process what she saw.

"Damnit, PHOEBE!" He screamed at her again.

"Oh right, ya I do!" She ran over to Rachel's room and returned back to mine with a first aid kit. She ran over to me and grabbed my arm and unravelled the towel revealing an open wound down my forearm. "Alright Mon, since I don't have anything to numb the pain you're just gonna have to deal with it."

"Why can't we just take her to the hospital?" Joey asked concerned.

"Because by the time we would get to the hospital, she would've bled out." Chandler responded hastily.

Rachel grabbed my other hand, I assumed this was to squeeze because of the pain.

"Alright, Mon I'm gonna start now." Phoebe told me. I felt the needle like object dig into my skin and then out, and then in and then out. Yes it hurt, but compared to the emotional pain I've gone through in the past, this was nothing. After some more pain from the needle digging in and out of my skin Phoebe let out a sigh and said, "Done."

"Why did you have a first aid kit in my room?" Rachel asked Phoebe. Chandler cleared his throat and gave Rachel a death glare for bringing something like that up now.

Rachel finally released the death grip she had on my hand, but Chandler kept his arms wrapped around my shoulders. He turned to me searching for an answer to what just happened. I turned away and looked down at my hands. I couldn't look at them because of the emotions spread across their faces.

"Monica, what was this all about?" Chandler asked me cautiously.

I looked up at him, with more tears ready to come slipping out of my eyes. "I….I-I don't…..I've been..I" The tears finally came out of my eyes and I looked back down at my hands.

"Mon, it's okay you don't have to say anything right now." Phoebe said before grabbing my hand and gently squeezing it. Chandler also gave my shoulders a light squeeze.

I took a deep breath and closed my eyes trying to gather the breath to speak. "Guys, y'know you can," I sniffed trying to not start crying again, "go back to whatever your were doing. I'm fine now." I looked up at them.

"You really expect us to leave when you just slashed your wrist?" Joey said to me. I shrugged my shoulders and looked over to Chandler.

"I-I kinda just wanna be left alone right now." I said shakily.

Chandler grabbed my hand and laced his fingers through mine, "No, okay Mon. Last time you said that I had to break your door down and found you in here….in here with…" He couldn't seem to say what he saw. "My point is someone has to be here. At least one of us."

Okay I could deal with that. I thought about it. If Joey stayed with me I don't think he would leave me alone for a second, he'd probably follow me everywhere. If Phoebe stayed, she probably would completely go 'tough love' on me and just try to force the information out of me, which is not what I need right now. Rachel would probably just sit here not knowing what to say. And then there's Chandler. He would probably hold me until I was ready to speak, and to be honest that's what I need right now. But can I seriously spend the entire night with Chandler without staying in the same boat I'm in right now.

"Mon, what do you wanna do?" Rachel interrupted my thoughts.

I had no time to think any further, so I just went with the decision that I thought would get me what I needed, "Um, can…." I looked up at Chandler. "Chandler, could you just stay tonight?"

"Of course I can. I'll be right back I just need to call Rose really quick." Chandler started to leave the room. Joey stopped him and mumbled something, and Chandler shook his head no.

Of course. I actually completely had Rose off my mind, even though she was kinda part of why I just did what I did.

I turned back to my other 3 friends and realized that they might be kinda offended, "Guys, I'm sorry, I just kinda need to-"

Rachel cut me off, "No Mon we totally understand. You just did what was best for you, no big deal."

"Ya we understand. Don't worry we're not offended." Phoebe chimed in.

After a few minutes Chandler returned to my room. "Alright, guys?" He said turning to Rachel, Joey and Phoebe.

"Ya, okay." Phoebe said and walked over to where I was still sitting and gave me a hug. Rachel and Joey followed doing the same.

They were all walking out of my room but Rachel stopped and turned to me, "Oh Mon, where do you want me. Do you want me to stay here or would it be easier if I just stayed at Joey's for the night."

Oh, I had kinda assumed that she was going to Joey's. Talk about selfish. "If it's not too much trouble, Rach….." I was still finding it difficult to find words. "Could you, j-just stay at Joey's. I th-think it,"

"Say no more. It's fine." She leaned over to Chandler and I heard her whisper, "Take care of her. Make sure she's okay."

"I know. Trust me, I won't let anything happen to her." That sentence made me kinda happy, he cares. Well they all care, but there's one person I really care about caring.

They had left and I realized I was still sitting on the same place of my floor. I tried getting up, but my legs were kinda shaky.

Chandler noticed and ran over to me, "Here let me help." He grabbed my hands and helped pull me up. "Where do you wanna go?"

I didn't know. I really just wanted to get up. Well, I was already in sweats so I didn't need to change. I guess I just wanted to lay down. "Here, I got it." I assured him. I sat down on my bed.

"Do you need anything, water?" He asked.

"Ya actually, if it's not too much trouble."

"Of course." He walked out of my room.

I looked down at my arm. I traced over the stitches with my finger. I didn't know how I was gonna recover from this. I also didn't know how I was gonna survive tonight.

My thoughts were interrupted by Chandler walking back into my room and handing me a glass of water. I mumble a "thanks". I took a sip before setting it back down on my bedside table. I realized he was just kinda standing there. "Chandler, you can sit down if you want." I was relatively getting calmer.

He sat down in front of me. "Can I ask you a question? You can say no if you want, after everything that just happened."

I took a deep breath not knowing what would come next, "Um, ya okay."

"How were you feeling before all this? Like were you depressed or did something trigger it." Ya something triggered it but I'm not gonna tell _you_ what.

"Um, ya….I-I was pretty depressed…...I guess." I stuttered.

"Do you know why?" He asked before taking my hands in his again. His touch sent an electric feeling across my body making me shiver.

"Um, well-" My mind was filled with thoughts about the fact that he was part of the reason all this happened and the fact that he was touching me. I feel like I'm in middle school and our relationship is at the 'hand holding' stage, but we're not even in a relationship. "Not really. Something just brought it on I guess."

"Has this all just been happening under our noses. Have you been like this without any of us even noticing?" It looked like he was starting to tear up talking about this. By default then I started to feel tears sneaking their way back to my eyes.

"Ya, kinda."

"Aw Mon, I'm so sorry." The tears slowly started falling down my face. "I feel awful knowing that you were going through something so horrible without even noticing."

"Don't beat your-yourself up about it. It's not like it was your fault." I said my voice still shaky. I don't understand why I just keep lying. The truth will probably come out eventually and if I don't lie, but just not answer, I won't have as much to explain later.

"But still." He sounded like what I sounded like in the beginning when I wasn't as lost. When things were just starting off. "Can I ask you one more question, just to try and understand more of your point of view."

"Shoot." I wiped the tears that were starting to dry up off my face.

"Ok. Well, I guess what I want to know is, how does it feel. What does depression feel like. I know this probably isn't the right question to ask, but I really want to be able to understand how you felt."

I considered what I should say and then started, "Okay, well, the-there's really only one way I can…...I can think of to explain it." I was slowly realizing there was certain topics that triggered my voice to become more shaky.

"Mon, if you don't feel comfortable answering this stuff you don't have to. I understand it might be too much pressure." Here he goes again, being all sweet and considerate.

I looked down at my hands, "No really I'm fine with it."

He let go of one of my hands, and brought his hand up to my chin to lift it so I was looking him in the eye. The eye contact was pretty intense for this situation. "Promise? Promise that you'll tell me if I've crossed a line."

"Promise." He nodded his head okay, showing he trusted my promise. "Ok so this is how I would describe it." My voice kept cracking, as if I could start crying any minute now. "It's kinda like forgetting the words to your favorite song. You can't believe what's happening, and it's weird because it seems like you were just singing along. It used to be easy to remember every little lyric. But you can't remember it, so you try to feel the beat, and you'll think you remember, but it just goes back to like it was before. You still can't remember." I realize I should probably explain more how they relate. I felt a tear on my cheek. "So you basically just can't seem to remember a time you were happy. It feels like something just snapped and you're in a completely different place than you were a little while ago." His eyes were focused on me trying to understand every word I said. "You'll get like…..like spurs of happiness, bu-but then you just go ba-back to…...you go back to…..when you were…..back to when." The tears started falling faster down my face and I buried my face in my hands.

Chandler got closer to me and wrapped his arms around me, "Oh my god, Mon I'm sorry I didn't mean to make you feel bad. I just wanted to understand better."

"No," I tried sniffing up some if the tears. I buried my head in his shoulder muffling my cries. "No, I understand."

"Ok, how about you just try to get some sleep. It's been a pretty intense couple of hours. You're probably exhausted." He pulled back and helped me get more settled in bed. Once I was pretty comfortable he walked over to my door frame. "Alright Mon, I'll be on the couch. If you need _anything_ or feel _anything_ just call."

He was about to turn around and leave but I stopped him without thinking. "Wait, Chandler."

He turned around somewhat worried, "Ya Mon?"

"You can sleep in bed with me if you want?" WHY! WHY WOULD I SAY THIS! Apparently, my brain doesn't understand that he's dating someone and that I should stop putting myself in situations that make it harder to get over him.

"Are you sure?" He asked cautiously.

"Ya, I actually think it might help me sleep better." I couldn't tell if this was true or not.

"Ok."

He walked back over to my bed and got under the covers with me. He put an arm around my shoulders and I curled into his side. This felt so unbelievably right but that was probably just my brain messing with me.

"Night Mon."

"Night Chandler."

Sometimes you think a simple gesture could make you feel a little more found. But in reality, sometimes that gesture just makes you feel a little more _lost_.

 _AN: Please review!_


	3. Broken

_Broken._ An empty feeling where you just don't how to piece yourself back together.

I woke up with a startle. I just had one of those dreams where you can't really tell if their real or not. They really suck when you're in the mental state I'm in.

All of a sudden it came to my attention that Chandler still had his arms wrapped around my stomach. I was facing away from him with my back pressed up against his chest. It's funny how we've fallen asleep like this a million times and it's been normal, but now laying in this position makes my heart do a little flippy thing. I really just wanted to lay like this forever, but with how messed up my emotions are right now I knew laying here any longer would probably just make me cry.

I moved his hands away from my stomach, making sure to not wake him up. I carefully got up from the bed and opened the door as quietly as possible. I walked over to the kitchen and grabbed a bottle of tequila from the cabinet next to the stove. I reached up to grab a glass and a certain one caught my eye. It was the glass Chandler gave me about 3 months ago.

 _Flashback: 3 Months Previous_

" _Hey Mon!" Chandler said enthusiastically walking through my door._

 _I looked up at him from my spot on the couch, "Hey Chandler. What's up?"_

 _He walked over to the couch and took his place in front of me, "I got you something."_

" _Really!" I mocked his tone of voice and he shot me his best glare. "Ok. Seriously though, what is it?"_

 _He pulled a bag out from behind his back, "Here, look for yourself." He shoved the bag into my lap. I couldn't help but laugh over his enthusiasm. His fingertips grazed my hand and I felt this little tingle that I've been feeling for about 2 weeks now, it's weird._

 _I dug my hand into the bag and pulled out a glass. I realized what was so special about it and looked up at Chandler with an even bigger smile on my face, "Wait seriously! Is this what I think it is!"_

 _He nodded, "Ya it is!"_

 _Basically, I recently started trying to get an alcohol glass that each represented a different big city, and I hadn't been able to find this one from Chicago anywhere. But sure enough Chandler was able to find it._

" _Oh my god" Tears started forming in my eyes of of happiness. "Where did you find this?"_

" _Well after some hours of searching a ton of different places in the city I was able to get my hands on it." My heart literally jumped from that sentence, god what is that._

 _I stared at him in awe for a moment, "Why did you even start looking for it?"_

" _Well, I know how long you've been trying to find it, and I kinda felt bad for getting you such crappy gifts the past few years."_

 _I couldn't wipe the smile off my face, "Well thank you so much! I love it." I leaned over and wrapped my arms around him._

" _No problem, I was glad to be able to make you this happy. I just want you to know that I care and I love you."_

 _My mind paused at that thought. He loved me, and I loved him. It's been like this for years. Why is that all of a sudden making my heartbeat speed up. Why does his touch send a tingle through my spine._

 _Oh crap! I know exactly what this feeling….I'm in love with him._

I looked away from the glasses and decided to just drink straight out of the bottle. I walked over to the couch while taking a large sip of tequila which stung the back of my throat.

I reached the couch and put my hand between the cushions to pull out a small notebook. This is basically where I've written down all my thoughts from the past 3 months. I had put it in between the couch cushions when Rachel walked in the room a couple days ago.

I took the pen out from it and started writing about everything that had happened in these past hours. While I wrote I would occasionally take another sip from the bottle of tequila.

After filling up seven and a half pages with my thoughts I decided to put the pen down mainly because I was finding it very difficult to keep my hand straight. I got up shakily and took the last sip of tequila from the bottle. I walked over and shoved the journal back into the drawer by the window.

I sat down on the window ledge for a second and realized something. I was drunk. From the shaky movements, to the whirlwind of thoughts and emotions I could tell I was drunk. And not just kinda can't walk drunk, no no, I was definitely at the can't keep my mouth shut level of drunk.

I started reflecting on the past 3 months and everything I had gone through. Everything that happened the night I figured out I was in love with Chandler. Everything that happened the following week. The things that happened during the two days I wouldn't leave my room. Everything that happened tonight. And then the tears started. I started violently sobbing into my hands. I got up for a second to grab a tissue and stood by the table for a minute.

I started walking back over to the ledge again, when I tripped over the little stair there was and fell on my stomach. I immediately started laughing hysterically.

I heard Chandler shout, "Monica!" Then he appeared at my doorway. He rushed over to me when he saw I was on the floor. "Monica are you okay? What happened?"

"I-I kinda," Was all I could let out before I started dying laughing again.

He studied me for a second before asking, "Are you drunk?"

"Noooo!" I said before continuing my fit of laughter.

"Why'd you get up and start drinking?" He asked supporting my back with his hand so I didn't fall over. It felt like his hand was burning a hole in my back.

I just continued giggly in between my speech. "It's a secret."

"From who?"

"Someone" I said before pointing at him and mouthing "you".

He had a completely confused look on his face, "Okay?"

Here come emotions. Whenever I get this drunk I usually have drastic mood swings and that's exactly what's happening now. I stopped laughing and started crying into my hands.

"Aw, Mon." Chandler said sympathetically and started rubbing circles on my back, which just made me cry harder. "Come here." He helped me stand up and walked with my over to the kitchen. He grabbed a tissue and wiped the tears off my face.

He pulled me closer to him and I wrapped my arms around him. He put his hands on my back and kissed the top of my head.

"Do you have any idea why you're crying?" He asked.

"I-I'm broken." I said between sobs.

He pushed me away from him and studied my face. "What do you mean?"

"I mean, I'm falling apart!" I exclaimed throwing my hands up in the air. "Between this, and you, and everything! My life's a mess." I said while I started walking back to the living room.

"Wait, what do you mean me?" He asked walking over to my place in the living room.

"It's nothing _you_ need to worry about." I was waiting for this. One of the last levels of my drunkness. When I start getting mad over everything, and I try to pick a fight with everyone.

"I-" He paused and took a deep breath. "Okay, why do you need to worry about it?"

"Because it's my life! Everythingismy fault because itsmylife." My words were slowly starting to slur together. "I can't delete thoughts from my brain, duh!"

"Monica, nothing's your fault. I know you're not in a 100% sane mind, but I need you to know that you haven't done anything to hurt anyone." He told me while rubbing my arm.

I looked down and nodded sluggishly. I didn't really believe him, and I don't think it was because of the alcohol intake. I couldn't believe that he honestly felt like I had never hurt any of them.

"How about you go back and lay down, try and get some sleep. How does that sound?" He asked still cautiously.

I sighed and mumbled a "okay".

He draped his arm over my shoulder and pulled me closer to him to help me not stumble.

We were about to step into my room when I stopped dead in my tracks.

"You okay?"

"Um, could I just sleep out here tonight?" I said feeling slightly sobered up. He studied my face with a look of confusion spread across his. "I think there's just been too much that has happened in there tonight. I don't think I'll be able to sleep in there."

He offered me a sad smile, "Ya sure Mon. Is it still okay with you if I sleep on the couch with you?"

Don't say it, don't say it, don't say it. "Um, ya sure. If you want to." Oh my god. I can't even believe myself.

We walked back over to the couch and got settled. He laid down first with his back against the back of the couch, then I laid down with my back pressed against his chest and he wrapped his arms around my waist. I let out a peaceful sigh even though I was slightly being eaten up inside.

Sometimes people think you have yourself completely pieced together, but in reality all you are is _broken_.

 _AN: Sorry this update took a little longer, I was having a little trouble writing some of it. Please review!_


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